Okay, so I'll be the first to admit that I have pretty much locked myself in the house for the last week and shut the world completley out in order to cry, and then cry some more, and then cry even more.... I've ignored phone calls, emails, and even visits from friends. Our doorbell suddenly quit working. (Seriously, it just quit, and we've just left it that way.) I took it as a sign from the universe that it was okay for me to be selfish and ignore everything... for a bit. I will not apologize for this because I know you all understand and shutting out the world for a while felt like exactly what I've needed to do. From the time Pax was diagnosed until last week when he passed away life was so chaotic and filled with nothing but talking to doctors, talking to family, talking to friends, talking to each other, repeat... repeat... repeat... It felt like life was non stop talking with no answers whatsoever and no comfort to be found. But now we have comfort knowing that Pax will suffer no more and he's in a much better place. And while this is still an incredibly, incredibly hard time, I'm working on letting the world back in... slowly.
I have returned to work and everyone has been so amazing and supportive. I am lucky to work with so many people that are more like family than co-workers. They've made it as easy a transition for me and as welcoming as they possibly can. (Thank you guys!)
One of the most enjoyable outing we've had was a walk to the park with Nali. Chad and I walked down to Vetrans Memorial Park with her on a HOT afternoon so that we could 'play' with her in the water. Why did I put apostrophes around the word play? Well, many of you know that Nali is the weirdest lab in the world and she doesn't fetch, or particularly like water, among other quirks. So, by 'play' I mean that we spent time trying to coax her into the water and convince her that she's having a good time (instead she just acts like we're torchering her). In the end, Chad just kept throwing her in the river in an attempt to try to get her to see that it's not all that bad. Check out the photos. They're pretty cute if you ask us. (Nali might consider them as concrete physical evidence of torture though)
In addition to this wonderful outing, we actually went out downtown last night for a concert. I admit that I was incredibly, INCREDIBLY aprehensive about going out in public. As you all can imagine, I never know from moment to moment how my emotions are going to be and how I'm going to handle the sadness when it hits me.
Chad's mom had gotten us the tickets to this concert (Ani Difranco) weeks ago, but in the midst of all the chaos in the last month and a half, we'd completely forgot about the concert. She contacted us a couple days ago to remind us and ask us if we were still interested in going. I was scared and reluctant to go. But after Chad and I talked we decided it would be good for me to get out and see some friends. We agreed that if at any time I broke down or was feeling overwhelmed I would simply leave.
The night was wonderful and I think it was exactly the 'easing back into something social' that I needed. Chad had to work until right before the concert started, so I met up with our wonderful friends Monica and Tanya for dinner at one of my favorite restraunts before the concert. The restraunt is called Bar Gernika and I got to enjoy one of my all time favorite foods - croquetas (aka 'little Basque balls of fried heaven'). I haven't enjoyed them in almost 6 months because they're not exactly considered healthy food to eat while you're pregnant. We then headed over to the concert house where I met up with Sara and Dallas. We had to separate from our friends at the door because Nancy had gotten us VIP tickets to the show and we were let in early at a seprate entrance. (Thanks Nancy!) This was wonderful because this allowed us to find a table and chairs on the first floor with a perfect view of the stage. Chad made it to the concert right before Ani started to play (to my complete relief because yes, I was increasingly apprehensive and anxious without him there in a huge crowd of people - just ask Sara).
Ani put on an absolutely amazing show and it was nice to see her play again as she's one of our all-time favorite artists. It was also a wonderful evening because we ran into a lot of great people at the show, some of whom we haven't seen in 7 years! and some who just moved back to Boise. It was a great evening and it made me smile many times which is a nice feeling for a change.
So, overall, I just wanted to let everyone know that while this is an incredibly hard time, we are doing okay. How could we not be with all the love and support everyone has shown us?
Also, I will try to post pictures of the Alaska trip that we took a couple weeks ago that got ignored on the blog. Hopefully I can do that this weekend or early next week.
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